jaded

PTSD and the "volunteer Army"

2007-09-07T09:14:00.000-04:00

Yes, I know, it's been quite a while since I have posted here. I moved from my rural area, complete with hot and cold running rodents (but not hot and cold running water), to Cleveland.

Now I am nearer to the doctors at the Veterans Hospital who are supposed to be treating my various illnesses. Of course, VA health care continues to be second to none. Or almost second to none. I am still not being treated with real honest-to -goodness treatments for my disorders. So my health continues to be poor.

With the stress of moving, ,I simply did not have the time or energy to post. I am sorry about that. Of course I am sorry about many things.

I am mostly sorry about being mentally ill. I have PTSD, as those who may have read previous posts have discovered. This was an illness that I acquired as a direct result of serving in the Armed Forces in 1974. I joined voluntarily, thinking I could make a difference and serve my country, as my brother and father had. Wow. It didn't take long (Advanced Individual Training at Ft. Dix, New Jersey), to find out that some of my "brothers in arms" did not welcome female soldiers, other than in a primal way. After 40 days in a military hospital I was discharged from the service with a "personality disorder," which is something people are born with. Hmm.

Years of arguments, claims, and appeals finally resulted in the VA admitting that "more likely than not" my diagnosed PTSD was the result of military sexual trauma. MST, they call it. Sounds better than raped and bleeding, don't ya think?

Anyway, I had a counseling appointment with a new counselor in Brecksville yesterday. She dresses nice. Pretty dress, diet thin, nice impractical shoes. Smiles a lot. She can help me. We talked about my dissociation, which is when I'm not really here. This is a severe symptom. I lose time. I lose memory of events. I get lost. It can last for hours. Happens a lot to me.

Scary, huh? Not to her. She doesn't think most people are afraid of these symptoms. Hmm, sort of like being drunk or on roofies, although not with the fun parts. And there is a reason they call that the date rape drug, isn't there?

Anyway, she wanted to help me set some short-term goals. For example, would I like to reduce my dissociation from spells that last for hours to spells that last an hour, or from having spells seven days a week to having them four or five days a week. I replied that is sort of like asking me if I want to bleed for five days a week or seven, or for five minutes or an hour. I don't think that was the right answer. Then again, I am out of answers. I only have questions.

One of my questions is "Why the hell are we still in Iraq?" We know war causes injuries and mental illness, so why are we still sending overseas our people with no options, the poor, the rural, the residents of the inner city, the people society doesn't care about, to fight in the fucking desert over nothing? I don't need more members in my PTSD club! Society has no way to deal with the problems of these returning soldiers, and the VA doesn't care, even though caring for us is their stated mission.

Sorry, I guess I'm bleeding again. The pain is overwhelming.

Please watch this video that someone sent to me. I know it's long, but watch the whole thing.

FYI

2007-06-20T09:18:00.001-04:00

The other blog I used to post at (at which I used to post?), Waffle Ass, is no more. The way I like to think of it is that it got sick and died.

Anyway, I'm keeping it online for as long as Blogger will let me, although there will be no more new posts there (well, maybe one).

I have begun a new solo blog called Yazoo Street Scandal. If you liked Waffle Ass--and it's okay to admit it now--then you might like YSS as well.

more $ for Veterans Affairs?

2007-06-19T20:08:00.000-04:00

Chris Adams of the McClatchy Newspapers reports:

Congressional appropriators are pushing a huge increase in spending for the Department of Veterans Affairs, despite some resistance from the White House.

The congressional bills call for increases of approximately $43 billion for health care. The White House wants to see the increases limited to $39 billion, calling the larger figure "an excessive level of spending."

Well, since we've already spent more than $436 billion on the Iraq war, I personally don't think that spending approximately 1.15% of that total to care for disabled veterans constitutes "an excessive level of spending."

You can read the rest of Adams's article here.

help is a phone call away? not so much

2007-02-02T08:34:00.000-05:00

Is help for veterans a phone call away? Ask Jonathan Schulze. Oh, I guess you can’t.

He committed suicide in New Prague, Minnesota on January 16th this year. He was a veteran of the Iraq War. He had called two separate VA facilities for mental health help just days before he killed himself. According to his mother, he told officials that he was suicidal.

There was a waiting list for care. Gee, I bet there wasn’t a waiting list when he enlisted. But when the service is done with you, good luck getting help with medical or mental problems.

The system is underfunded and the staff is overwhelmed. Unfortunately so are the patients. So people die. Some dramatically, like Jonathan Schulze. Some less dramatically, of medical neglect. You know, the patients who can’t get appointments, the patients who get out dated treatments, or can’t get diagnosed at all.

It’s a nightmare, trying to get help in the VA system. And to those folks who say, well, just get treatment in the community, I say: with whose money? Medical care is expensive, and for former soldiers who are out of work, unable to work, there is no insurance. The VA becomes the only medical provider available. Except they aren’t.

I know whereof I speak. I am a veteran. I have been struggling with long commutes to the nearest VA hospital, which is an hour and a half away from where I live. After years of appointments with specialists, the docs finally admit that I am sick, but still have not given me a diagnosis. Or rather, I have a diagnosis, but it changes regularly. Some sort of autoimmune disease. Oh, and I need a heart catheterization because I have, or probably have, pulmonary hypertension, and some day they will schedule that.

After the test they may treat the life-threatening condition. Maybe. In the meantime, I have more fatigue, more pain, am less able to function, and am living on $900 and some dollars a month disability pay. A lot of days I don’t care about the test. I don’t care about the outdated and ineffective treatments, I just want the pain to end. Physical and mental. I have PTSD too, so I know about the nightmares, the cynicism, the disillusionment.

Oh, but there is going to be a team of federal investigators at the Minnesota VA facilities. Too little, too late, and will anyone care?

mental health hotline

2007-01-30T13:10:00.000-05:00

From the Associated Press:

U.S. troops who have been reluctant to seek help for mental health problems soon be able to find it with a phone call.
A new automated phone-in assessment program is the latest effort by the military to reach out to soldiers and family members who might not otherwise seek help for post-traumatic stress or other psychological issues.

You can read the entire story here.

The new program will begin on February 12. The phone number is 877.877.3647.

an American hero

2007-01-08T13:50:00.000-05:00

What if they gave a war and nobody came? First Lieutenant Ehren Watada, who faces court-martial for refusing to serve in Iraq, is about to find out.

Since last June, Watada, a 28-year-old native of Hawaii, has refused Iraq deployment orders, calling the war illegal. Rather than accept reassignment, he has remained on his Army base in Fort Lewis, Washington. A six-year prison term could result. Preliminary hearings began last Thursday.

Army Times has more, as does the Inter Press Service News Agency.

Kevin Sites of Hot Zone has a recent interview with Watada. The sentiments below are Watada's, from that interview:

Since then I think I, as many, many Americans are realizing, that those justifications [for the Iraq war] were intentionally falsified in order to fit a policy established long before 9/11 of just toppling the Saddam Hussein regime and setting up an American presence in Iraq.

. . .

I think that when we take an oath we, as soldiers and officers, swear to protect the constitution — with our lives as necessary — and those constitutional values and laws that make us free and make us a democracy. And when we have one branch of government that intentionally deceives another branch of government in order to authorize war, and intentionally deceives the people in order to gain that public support, that is a grave breach of our constitutional values, our laws, our checks and balances, and separation of power.

. . .

I felt, well, in a general sense I felt that when we put our trust in the government, when we put our lives in their hands, that is a huge responsibility. And we also say that "when we put our lives in your hands, we ask that you not abuse that trust; that you not take us to war over flimsy or false reasons; that you take us to war when it is absolutely necessary." Because we have so much to lose, you know — the soldiers, our lives, our limbs, our minds and our families — that the government and the people owe that to us.

. . .

The Constitution was established, and our laws are established, to protect human rights, to protect equal rights and constitutional civil liberties. And I think we have people in power who say that those laws, or those principles, do not apply to them — that they are above the law and can do whatever it takes to manipulate or create laws that enable them to do whatever they please. And that is a danger in our country, and I think the war in Iraq is just one symptom of this agenda. And I think as soldiers, as American people, we need to recognize this, and we need to put a stop to it before it's too late.

Remember, if you oppose the continuation of the war in Iraq, it's important to let your representatives know.

rural deaths higher

2007-01-02T18:55:00.000-05:00

One of our readers pointed this out to me:

U.S. soldiers from rural communities are dying at a higher rate in Iraq and Afghanistan than soldiers from larger metropolitan areas. This is according to a study by the Carsey Institute, a think tank at the University of New Hampshire. With more rural men and women seeking military job opportunities, their small communities are in turn suffering higher rates of loss.

Please take the time to watch the video, which is also from The Center for Rural Strategies. Just another war fact to be sad about. The young and optionless being let down by our leaders.

Those interested in the full report from the Carsey Institute can get the .pdf here.

PTSD linked to heart disease

2007-01-02T13:13:00.001-05:00

This article from Army Times ought to interest readers of this blog:

A groundbreaking study of 1,946 male veterans of World War II and Korea suggests that vets with symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder are at greater risk of heart attacks as they age.

The new study is the first to document a link between PTSD symptoms and future heart disease, and joins existing evidence that vets with PTSD also have more autoimmune diseases such as arthritis and psoriasis.

A second study, funded by the Army, found that soldiers returning from combat in Iraq with post-traumatic stress disorder reported worse physical health, more doctor visits and more missed workdays. The Army study is based on a survey of 2,863 soldiers one year after combat.

I'm tempted to just post the entire story, but you can read the whole thing here.

I can't resist quoting one more segment, though:

Dr. Gary J. Kennedy, director of geriatric psychiatry at Montefiore Medical Center, called the study “impressive.” He said one symptom of PTSD is avoiding activity, which could account for some of the effect on the heart.

. . .

“We’ve got a whole generation of veterans coming back [from Iraq and Afghanistan] and their health needs are just going to be tremendous,” Kennedy said.

Oh well, if they want to be able to pay for their own health care, they'll just have to go out and get three jobs. I have it on good authority that to do so is uniquely American.

legislation and frustration

2007-01-02T11:00:00.000-05:00

Recently Anthony wrote about the new legislation that was just passed. Among other things, this bill allows veterans to have attorneys represent them earlier in the compensation claim process. While on the surface this seems to be good news for veterans, I don't believe that it is, at least not initially.

Veterans are currently represented by claims specialist from National Veterans Organizations, such as the American Legion or the Disabled American Veterans. These groups assist veterans with the paperwork and hearings necessary to pursue their service-connected compensation claims, such as loss of limb, PTSD, etc. Where these organizations fall short is in giving advice to veterans about how best to document and support a claim.

Maybe there just isn't time, but it seems that most veterans end up doing the supportive work on their own, and often after finding out what additional supportive information they need when their claim is rejected or denied by the VA. In theory, the VA also would help the veteran support their claim. In reality, it is a very adversial process.

So, in march the attorneys. Well, VA claims procedures are not taught in law school. It's not a regular court of law. It's a bureacracy with mountains of rules and procedures, and case precedents. How will these attorneys be trained? On the job?

The other issue is payment. Many times a VA comp claim can take ten years or more to go through the system before the veteran is compensated. This is called back pay, paid in a lump sum. There is no interest paid on these delayed payments, even if (as is often the case) VA errors and/or delays caused the late payment. The attorneys will be paid up to 20% of this back pay for their services, minus a 5% or $100 payment to the VA for their processing of the fee check.

So, not only will claims still be a time-consuming experience for veterans, more veterans will now pay out of the back pay for which they have been waiting so long.

Not to worry though, the bill also allows for 500 rental vouchers for homeless veterans for 2007. And a few more for the years following. Surely that will help!

On to rural health care. Right now VA medical facilities are located in large cities, although the majority of recruits are from small towns. So when soldiers return home, most of them go back to their home towns.

The present medical situation makes for long commutes for medical care for many rural veterans. We are talking hours of travel each way. Sick veterans with limited financial resources are trying to access health care that is only available in urban areas. It's not easy.

The new legislation allows for funding to explore better ways of providing health care to rural veterans, including something called "fee basis" which provides for local health care from non-va providers. If this happens it would be good, I think, but expensive. So I'm not at all convinced it will be implemented on a meaningful basis.

In the meantime, our country is seeing, and will continue to see, more wounded soldiers returning to civilian life, and needing these services. Let's hope that our country provides for them. Better yet, write to your congressperson and senators and let them know that support for veterans, compensation claims, and medical care is important to you, a voter.

Remember, supporting veterans is a good way to show the government the true cost of war.

Bush does something right . . . film at 11

2006-12-28T09:18:00.000-05:00

Somehow there's got to be a catch to this:

A $3.2 billion omnibus veterans’ bill that includes a cultural change in benefits claims process was signed into law Friday by President Bush.

The Veterans Benefits, Healthcare and Information Technology Act includes creation of a rural health care office in the Department of Veterans Affairs, increases spending on post-traumatic stress disorder, Parkinson’s disease, multiple sclerosis and rehabilitation for blinded veterans.

Also included in the new law is an attempt to expand job opportunities for veterans by raising the goal for government contracting with veteran-owned small businesses and wider mental health coverage to include family care and bereavement counseling.

The rest of the story is here.

To read the full text of the bill, go to THOMAS at the Library of Congress, then enter S.3421.ENR in the "Search Bill Text" box. Change the radio button below that from Word/Phrase to Bill Number, then click on Search.

Or you can test the limits of your browser by accessing the 66-page .pdf version here.

I haven't read the full text of this bill, but on the surface at least, it seems like an overall plus for veterans. Perhaps bram will weigh in with her opinion when she gets a chance to look it over.

more about Fort Carson charges

2006-12-28T09:11:00.000-05:00

The Denver Post has a followup on the recent allegations that Army veterans at Fort Carson are being ostracized and drummed out of the corps after being diagnosed with PTSD.

post-traumatic futility disorder

2006-12-21T08:23:00.000-05:00

Disillusionment with war is an overlooked psychological liability on the battlefield, experts say -- and could lead to higher rates of PTSD among U.S. soldiers in Iraq.

From today's Salon.com (you might need to watch a brief ad to get the Salon day pass, but do it).

There's certainly a lot to be disillusioned about in this catastrophic fuckup of a war. But hey, even though the head of U.S. Central Command is against the idea, The Decider is considering sending more troops to Iraq. And why not? No one he cares about will ever need to go over there to fight.

more tours of duty = more PTSD

2006-12-21T01:04:00.000-05:00

I mean, that sort of stands to reason, but unfortunately it's being confirmed by empirical data. From Wednesday's Washington Post:

U.S. soldiers serving repeated Iraq deployments are 50 percent more likely than those with one tour to suffer from acute combat stress, raising their risk of post-traumatic stress disorder, according to the Army's first survey exploring how today's multiple war-zone rotations affect soldiers' mental health.

More than 650,000 soldiers have deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan since 2001 -- including more than 170,000 now in the Army who have served multiple tours -- so the survey's finding of increased risk from repeated exposure to combat has potentially widespread implications for the all-volunteer force. Earlier Army studies have shown that up to 30 percent of troops deployed to Iraq suffer from depression, anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), with the latter accounting for about 10 percent.

The entire article, which is worth reading, can be found here.

Only two out of five soldiers with mental disorders seek care. The rest will suffer, not in silence, but in the unwelcome solitude of their unquiet minds. Some will drink or use drugs to deaden the pain. Some will smack their wives and husbands and children around, or worse. More than a few will take their own lives.

I wonder how many military families who were all gung-ho for Bush's re-election in 2004 still support him now. I wonder how many of them still think this war is worth the toll it is taking on our soldiers.

Fort Carson allegations

2006-12-12T21:33:00.000-05:00

Three senators have asked the Pentagon to open an investigation into allegations of inadequate treatment — and even punishment — of soldiers at Fort Carson who seek help or treatment for mental health problems after returning from Iraq.

The allegations were made by soldiers who said their superiors refused to allow them to seek treatment for mental health problems. One was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

So begins a story in Army Times. The whole thing is here. For some context, see my earlier post about this.

One of the three senators is Barack Obama, who might well be the next president.

at least one out of five

2006-12-05T13:37:00.000-05:00

Army studies show that at least 20 percent to 25 percent of the soldiers who have served in Iraq display symptoms of serious mental-health problems, including depression, substance abuse and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Administration officials say there are extensive programs to heal soldiers both at home and in Iraq.

But an NPR investigation at Colorado's Fort Carson has found that even those who feel desperate can have trouble getting the help they need. In fact, evidence suggests that officers at Fort Carson punish soldiers who need help, and even kick them out of the Army.

So begins a recent report on NPR's All Things Considered, which has both the audio and a transcript at the link.

Obviously punishing people who need help is about the stupidest thing you can do. Not only does it do a disservice to the soldier who needs help, but it sends a clear message to the rest of the platoon: if you think you're having mental health issues, keep your fucking mouth shut, or else.

It's quite a sordid little story, but one which sadly comes as no surprise to anyone who has been following the way that soldiers have been treated during this shabby war. There's money for victory celebrations (never mind that there hasn't even been a victory yet, and that there won't be), but not enough money for body armor. There's money for Bush to prance around on an aircraft carrier, but not enough money for adequate mental health care. What a mess. What a disgrace.

A tip of the hat to Shakespeare's Sister.

Veterans Day: part four

2006-11-21T09:32:00.000-05:00

part one
part two
part three

This is the final part of the speech I wrote in 2002 detailing how the veterans compensation system works. This section deals with official rules and cases that are a matter of public record.

To further draw your attention to how this system works, allow me to quote from the Board of Veterans Appeals publication Understanding the Appeal Process, VA Pamphlet 01-00-1, January 2000, p. 16-17:

IS THERE ANY WAY TO HAVE THE BOARD DECIDE MY CASE MORE QUICKLY?

38U.S.C. 7107(a)(2)
38C.F.R. 20.900(c)

If you believe your appeal should be decided sooner than the appeals of others who filed before you did, you can write directly to the Board explaining why. This is called filing a motion to advance on the docket.

Over the years, BVA has granted fewer than three out of every twenty requests for advancement on the docket. That's because most appeals involve some type of hardship, and the Board wishes to treat everyone fairly. You need to show convincing proof of exceptional circumstances before your case can be advanced. Some examples of exceptional circumstances are terminal illness, danger of bankruptcy or foreclosure, or an error by the VA that caused a significant delay in the docketing of your appeal.

Be sure to send us proof of your exceptional circumstances with your motion. For example, if you are about to lose your home due to foreclosure, send us a copy of the notice you received telling you that. If you have terminal illness, include a statement about that from your doctor.

This pamphlet was prepared by intelligent professionals, so please consider the following:

Most delays in these cases originate with the VA, not with the veteran. But it is the veteran alone who suffers the consequences.
The suggestion to send foreclosure papers to prove financial hardship, as the only listed option to prove that point, is irresponsible at best. By the time a veteran has received foreclosure papers, copied them, filed a motion to advance on the docket, had that motion heard, had their case advanced and heard, they might well be homeless.

Whoever, or whatever team, wrote this pamphlet surely was aware of that. Why is this advice being given to veterans? Is it because the VA truly doesn't care whether a veteran becomes homeless? Why are there no consequences to the VA system when that happens?

Now let's look at p. 29:

WHAT HAPPENS TO AN APPEAL IF THE APPELLANT DIES BEFORE A DECISION IS ISSUED?

38U.S.C. 7104(a)
38 C.F.R. 20.1302

According to the law, the death of an appellant generally ends the appeal. So if an appellant dies, the Board normally dismisses the appeal without issuing a decision. The rights of a deceased appellant's survivors are not affected by this action. Survivors may still file a claim at the Regional Office for any benefits to which they may be entitled.

These claims are processed and decided very slowly. If the veteran dies before the VA completes the processing of their claim, which again the Veteran has no or very little control or influence over, the veteran has suffered without that compensation, and their spouse and children continue to suffer. The claim dies with the veteran.

And again the veteran and the veteran’s family pays the price. There are no consequences to the VA system.

Maybe the taxpaying American public really does want to save money in this way, but I’d like to think not. After all, I volunteered to defend them, and want to believe the best about them. I think the public is totally unaware of how this system actually operates and affects veterans.

Last, I draw your attention to the website of the Department of Veterans Affairs. I began reviewing the archives of Board of Veterans Appeals decisions made earlier in 2002.

I dissociated after reviewing five cases and had to stop reading for now. The cases are heartbreaking, and I believe that all five of these veterans did deserve to be compensated. Here is a brief summary:

Case #1: Citation 0202111
Docket: 99-15 798
Decision date: March 6, 2002

This female veteran served from 1987 to 1992. In 1991, five years into her term of service, she was diagnosed with a situational adjustment disorder. Apparently she required a long time to misadjust to life as a soldier.

After her discharge,she was treated for mental health issues at a VA treatment center from 1993 through 1997. Her symptoms included nightmares, panic and anxiety attacks, depression and suicide attempts. The VA did not diagnose her with a personality disorder; instead she was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder. The VA clinician believed the veteran had suffered childhood sexual abuse, although she had evidenced no psychiatric symptoms until she was in the military, and continued to have symptoms after discharge.

In 1999 the veteran admitted that she had been raped. The VA found no record of the rape in her medical records, but did find that she had been treated several times for genitourinary problems while in the service around the time she said the rape occurred.

Incredibly, the BVA used her medical treatment for the condition to discredit her testimony that she was raped by saying that this provided her with additional opportunity to report the rape! This ignores the shame a soldier must endure in having to admit to being incapacitated in such a way, and the symptomology of acute stress disorder and cogntive function of being traumatized.

The veteran stated that she was a virgin at the time of the rape. Because she had been taking oral contraceptives at the timme, the BVA found this statement not to be credible. Of course, whether or not she was a virgin had no bearing on whether or not the rape occurred, but it may have added to her mental anguish.

Again, all I can say is that oral contraceptives are really a very logical medication for a female soldier to take. Why are female veterans being emotionally abused and discredited for taking a medication that makes so much sense for them to be on? Because the VA found no evidence of an in-service stressor. They refused to obtain a medical nexus opinion, and refused to order or review a psychiatric compensation exam.

I understand that the BVA contorted and used the rules of the system to fmd against the veteran. They used their rules very well to that end. But was justice done to this veteran? Was her claim handled fairly and impartially? I don't think so.

Case #2: Citation 02022880
Docket 95-38 932
Decision date: March 27, 2002

This case involves a female veteran who was raped in 1979 during VA hospitalization where she was being treated for a psychiatric disorder. The BVA allowed that the rape occurred during the veteran's hospitalization but concluded that she had not incurred further worsening of her symptoms as a result. Therefore she was not eligible for any compensations.

I am surprised to leam that rape has no negative affect on the mentally disabled. I would think that if a person already has a mental disability that rape would be another injury for them to deal with and recover from. I cannot imagine a rape that would have no consequences to the victim.

This same veteran’s records indicate that she began drinking alcohol while in the service. Also there is no record of this veteran experiencing psychiatric problems before her military service, only afterwards. A VA clinician did, however, link her mental health problems back to her childhood, and to her havingbeing born with a cleft palate! Her symptoms include non-assertiveness, passive/dependent personality traits, substance abuse, free-floating anxiety, and dissociation. She was not diagnosed with PTSD, but her symptoms all cross over to that diagnosis.

Case #3: Citation 0202249
Docket 98-06 477
Decision date: March 8, 2002

This is a case involving a female veteran who was on active duty from 1975 to 1977. She initially filed a claim for a service-connected mental disorder, but her VA health care provider had not diagnosed her with PTSD. In later treatment she was diagnosed with PTSD, and a 50% disability compensation claim was allowed.

Her appeal was to make the effective date of her claim the actual date of her initial claim, which had been denied. Her date of earlier disability was not allowed. Her first diagnosis was not PTSD, but all of her symptomology crosses over to that diagnosis, and she was later diagnosed with PTSD. Again the rules were used to disallow a legitimate claim.

Case #4: Citation 0202159
Docket 98-05 461
Decision date: March 7, 2002

This case involves a female veteran who was on active duty from 1966 to 1968. She was stationed in Saigon, Vietnam, in an administrative position. During her tour of duty she was in a combat area and directly witnessed combat, including explosions and death. She was also raped in service.

According to the military rules of that time, she was not officially categorized as being on combat duty. Consequently, the assumption of PTSD connection due to combat was denied to her. This denial is based on a rule she had no control over, rather than on the reality of her tour of duty.

Moreover, other than her own word, she had no supporting evidence that she was raped. She became pregnant as a result of that rape, and was discharged from the service due to that pregnancy.

Her claim was disallowed. So here is a veteran who served in a combat zone, honorably, without the benefit of combat classification. She was raped by a fellow soldier. The rape led to an unplanned pregnancy which resulted in her discharge from the service.

I can't even imagine her pain and suffering.

I understand the need to follow the rules, but what are we to do when the rules lead to so much injustice and further suffering? This soldier served her country honorably, risked her life, and was dishonored and not supported upon her return.

Case #5: Citation 0202078
Docket 96-15 047
Decision date: March 4, 2002

This case involves a male veteral who served two tours of duty: first from 1969 to 1977, and then from 1980 to 1982. His second tour of duty ended in an administrative discharge, and he has been denied VA benefits.

During his period of active service, he reports that he was beaten and sodomized by at least two soldiers in one attack. His record shows evidence of acute stress disorder, in that after he was attacked, his behaviors changed radically. He became disoriented and began to drink alcohol and use drugs excessively. He attempted to commit suicide while in service, which is documented in his records.

Considering the amount of time this veteran served his county honorably it is clear to me that his problems originated while he was in service. Again, maybe he doesn't present himself to be a very attractive, likeable person to the VA staff, but consider his experience, trauma, and mental disorders. If his behavior was adaptive to civilian life, and his appearance normal, he wouldn't need help, or have a well-grounded claim. How can he improve his quality of life without appropriate medical and mental health treatment, and financial support?

Should all claims be allowed? No. Some claims are not well-grounded or legitimate. But many of them, perhaps most of them, are, and yet all veterans are being treated as frauds, cheats, and fakers. For veterans with mental disorders, this becomes particularly damaging. When our legitimate claims are delayed and denied, we are very vulnerable to further damage, which deteriorates our adaptability even more.

I've discovered that I love my country, my government, its military and its veterans enough to speak up and hope for change. Can you help the veterans receive the care they need and deserve?

Veterans Day: part three

2006-11-20T09:42:00.000-05:00

Note: this was originally written on June 9, 2002. I recently decided to revise it somewhat for this blog. Revisions, additions, comments, and updates are indicated by italics.

part one
part two

THE SYSTEM FAILS

1. The VA mental health system fails the veteran by, in many cases, giving a veteran multiple mental health diagnoses. When the symptoms are added up, they equal PTSD. But the PTSD diagnosis is not made.

The VA are the PTSD experts of the world. They deal with PTSD continuously. They wrote most of the research on PTSD. In most cases I do not believe ignorance of PTSD can be an adequate excuse for this error. By diagnosing the veteran with personality disorders, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, etc. the correct diagnosis and treatment are not made. The precipitating event is not recognized. Proper treatment and support are not given and the patient suffers excessively.

2. The VA mental health system fails us by exploring childhoods of veterans excessively, in order to give them pre-service traumas. Everyone has childhood experiences that are maladaptive. Everyone has multiple issues in their lives. PTSD involves a traumatic precipitating event. Anyone in therapy would rather talk about something, anything, other than their major trauma.

Since cognitive dysfunction and memory problems are a major symptom of PTSD, it is extremely easy to victimize a PTSD patient in this way. Trust me, we do not want to get anywhere near that traumatic event again. But if we don't, we can't heal, and interact better in the world. Dealing with the trauma doesn't make our PTSD go away but we're able to recognize and deal with our symptoms easier.

By dealing with us therapeutically in this deceptive way, our healing is delayed, and our pain grows. The client/patient needs help. We come to the VA for that help. And in many cases we are betrayed and hurt again.

3. The Regional Offices and Board of Appeals fail us by ignoring the diagnoses and findings of their own psychiatrists, social workers, and compensation examiners, in order to find against the veterans compensation claim. Many people in the VA system courageously (and probably to their own personal career detriment) do diagnose veterans with PTSD. The psychiatrists carefully and thoroughly interview the veteran, considering their current level of functioning, their service record, and their medical history. In many cases they find that the veteran has PTSD, and based on their professional opinion psychiatrically as well as considering the medical symptoms and treatments at the time of the precipitating traumatic event state that:

The veteran has PTSD
Based on their interpretation of medical files and events, a traumatic event did occur to the veteran while they were in the service
There is a medical nexus, or link, between the veteran's current chronic disease of PTSD and that traumatic event.

That professional opinion establishes that according to the Department of VA rules, the veteran is entitled to continued free mental health treatment and financial compensation to help them survive financially. PTSD has severe financial repercussions in a veteran's file.

The VA chooses to disregard their own professionals. In my own case, two treating psychiatrists, a compensation examination psychiatrist, and several social workers all agree that I have PTSD due to a rape trauma while I was in the service. The VA chooses to ignore their professionals by saying that they can't prove that what happened really did happen.

But that's not a real requirement for establishing a medical nexus. A medical nexus is a trained professional's most careful interpretation of the entire situation. Either that is a consideration in compensation determination, or it is not. If it isn't a consideration, please be honest and stop saying that it is. If the intention is to never compensate a veteran for service-connected systemic mental disorders, please make that the law. Otherwise, treat us honorably and fairly.

I worry about the honest professionals who tell the truth. I wandered for 24 years without knowing what my problems were. Eventually I found help at a VA treatment center. I was diagnosed with PTSD and helped to understand my symptoms. I went through trauma processing and am in group and private therapy.

I am currently only being seen once a month by a VA counsellor, privately, as I couldn't handle group therapy, and broke down further.

I am grateful to the caring professionals who are helping me. I worry that their being honest to the VA system about my disease will negatively impact their careers. That would break my heart again. These are the people who deserve the best from the VA employment system, the recognition, the raises, the promotions. Because they care enough to put their patients first. They see the damage of PTSD. They tell the truth. I hope that truth is a good enough shield for them, but I fear that it will not be.

Telling the truth hasn't exactly helped me out much.

4. The VA Regional Offices and claims systems fail us because records at the time of the traumatic events are missing or incomplete.

Or said to be missing or incomplete.

The VA denies that a traumatic event took place. If no traumatic event took place, the PTSD can't be from an in-service event, and there is no need to order a comprehensive exam to get the professional medical opinion. Nor is there a need for the medical nexus opinion.

Why are records at the time of the traumatic event missing or incomplete? This can be attributed to several reasons. First, the military and the VA control the records, not the veteran. Sometimes records are lost or destroyed in all or in part. Often a veteran will remember seeking medical treatment, but the records are never officially found or produced by the VA.

Moreover, a person who has suffered a traumatic event is psychologically damaged (as well as physically damaged) at the time of the trauma. In many cases they are dissociative and amnesic. Their cognitive functioning is impaired. They are depressed, anxious, and sleep-deprived. This is called acute stress disorder.

People with acute stress disorder make different decisions and behave differently than people who function normally. Because we have acute stress disorder at the time of the trauma, the VA uses our trauma-induced decisions and reports to discredit the reality of our trauma, and denies its existence. Our very mental disorder becomes the basis upon which they deny our claims.

If we were capable of reporting and responding to a "traumatic" event as a non-traumatized or normal person would respond, is that proof that we were not traumatized? Please do not use my mental disorder as a reason or basis to deny that I have a compensable mental disorder. Be fair or change the rules.

5. The VA Regional Office and BVA fail us by asking female veterans reporting rape trauma questions about our contraceptive use at the time of the trauma. They love to find "evidence" that we were on oral contraceptives at the time of the trauma.

What does the use of oral contraceptives mean? It doesn't mean that a given veteran is, is not, is nor plans to be sexually active. Reasons for taking these contraceptives vary with the individual. In any case, if we thought we might become sexually active at some point, are we bad people to want to avoid an unplanned pregnancy? Does that mean that we planned to be traumatized?

Let's consider a more likely scenario, using myself as an example. Many young women suffer from heavy painful periods. By taking oral contraceptives, a woman can reduce her menstrual flow and reliance on sanitary products, and the number of days she will bleed.

She can therefore know exactly when her period will begin, and when it will end. Doesn't it seem that this is a pretty handy thing for a female soldier to know? I even packed a good supply of birth control pills from home so I wouldn't have to worry about whether I could obtain them from the Army doctors or not.

My point is there are a lot of different reasons for women to use oral contraceptives. My personal reason seems the most logical. Apparently, the VA thinks other female soldiers and I took them because we had the time and inclination for numerous casual sexual encounters. Personally, I did not have the time or the inclination for that; I was busy training to be a solider. I was serving the people of my country. I think all of us soldiers were busy being soldiers.

The real issue is, was there a trauma, instead of coming up with a fictitious reason to dislike a person enough to justify denying their claim. Don't assume the worst about me, and I'll try not assume the worst about you. Which means I won’t assume that you, Mr. or Ms. rating/hearing officer, have never been in the military, and don't have a clue what military life really involved during the time of my service.

6. The VA, and sometimes the mental health systems itself, fail us by believing that veterans seek help at VA treatment centers only to pursue compensation claims. Veterans seek help for the same reasons anyone else does. They have medical and/or mental health problems and need treatment. Most of these veterans live in poverty and have no, or inadequate, health insurance.

When they seek medical or mental health care outside of the VA system, that is a reflection of their satisfaction with the care they have received there. If they feel they have been misdiagnosed and not helped, or that their concerns are minimized they seek help elsewhere, just like you would.

7. The VA fails veterans by assuming that all claims are fraudulent, and are processing all claims on that basis. There is a strategy by the VA to slow the claims process down at all levels throughout the process: the initial filing, acknowledging communications from the veteran, and providing the veteran with confusing, inaccurate, and false or misleading information about their claim.

This backlog of claim cases is then used to further justify additional delays in processing the veterans claim. So the VA controls the sluggish speed of the claims process, with no consequences for doing so. Only the veteran has consequences.

All claims deserve to be handled in a reasonable timely manner. I am not asking that all claims be granted. I am asking that they be evaluated fairly, in a timely manner, and that consequences be built into the system to VA employees and the system itself so that the veteran does not suffer from this system with no opportunity or ability to be compensated.

At this time there is discussion about legislation to allow attorneys to represent veterans at the initial stage of the claims process. The Republicans are favoring this as a solution to the slow claims process! As though allowing attorneys, who are paid by the hour to handle VA claims, will speed up the process! What is needed are consequences to the VA employees for delaying and making errors in cases.

For example, in my own case, which has been ongoing for four years now, action was delayed for an entire year at one point because the VA decided that they had issued a "statement of the case" to me.

The statement of the case is the VA's initial summary of the facts of the case and the VA’s decision. A veteran must have a statement of the case before they can appeal a decision against them.

In fact, they had not done so. I was asked to prove to them that I had not received a “statement of the case.” According to them I had received one, and had not responded in time therefore my case was closed.

It was beyond my ability to prove non-receipt of this document. How would you go about proving that you never got something? Congressmen Sherrod Brown corresponded with the VA regional office on my behalf. As a result, I was sent a letter along with a statement of the case which stated that I had not previously been sent a statement of the case" and that this was the first one.

That's very nice. No apology. No consequences to the VA, only to me. This insanity caused a year's delay in my case. The date on which my appeal will be heard is determined by when I officially appeal , which was directly delayed by errors caused the VA, not me. But my case is delayed again, because of their delay. I am the one who pays the price. I wait longer. No consequences to the VA.

Many veterans give up their claims because the process is so demeaning and tiring. Those of use with mental disorders are the least equipped to deal with the additional stress of pursuing these claims, and we need the help.

We have real problems. We live in poverty. We need good VA mental health and medical care. We need financial help. That help was promised to us. Do the American people want their veterans to be treated this way?

Please help to change this system so that it operates more fairly, or please be honest and just tell us mentally disabled veterans to seek help elsewhere. Either answer is fine. I would just like to be treated honestly and fairly. I do not want to be traumatized anymore.

Next: part four, with other real cases.

where credit is due

2006-11-16T13:16:00.000-05:00

The next time you pass a homeless man on the street, you might ask in which war he served. In the next several years, chances are good that he (and increasingly she) will say Iraq or Afghanistan.

That grim prediction is based on several facts:

One in three adult homeless males is a veteran and 45 percent of those suffer from mental illness, according to the National Coalition for Homeless Veterans.

A recent report in the New England Journal of Medicine, meanwhile, found that one in four veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan were diagnosed with some kind of mental health problem.

And those are just the ones who found their way to a VA hospital. Many don't. Returning veterans are either embarrassed, untrusting of government, frustrated by bureaucratic gridlock, or simply incapable of navigating the system.

This is an excerpt from an essay by Kathleen Parker. It's a good essay--read the whole thing. bram pointed it out to me and suggested that one of us put up a post about it.

bram had never heard of Kathleen Parker before, but I had. She is one of the stable of right-wing ideologues who write for Jewish World Review. Here's a link to her recent columns for that publication.

I bet I could read any five essays on that page at random and not find one single paragraph that I'd agree with. I know bram well enough to suspect the same would probably hold true for her as well.

Normally I wouldn't link to a column from someone like Parker, unless it would be to mock it. But I have to say it: she does seem to be one of the few right-wingers who actually gets it when it comes to understanding the mental health needs of veterans. She seems to realize that many soldiers come home with a full share of emotional baggage, and that caring for these men and women will require more federal funding than recent Congresses have been willing to subsidize.

Would that more of her right-wing compatriots be as able to view soldiers as more than just replaceable units churned out by the killbot factory. Maybe the tide really has turned with the recent election. Maybe people are starting to wake up to the damage that has been done to this country in recent years. I hope so.

I may never have occasion to write these words again: but thank you, Ms. Parker. Good work.

Veterans Day: part two

2006-11-15T09:09:00.000-05:00

(This is part two of a series. The first part is here.)

On Memorial Day, 2002, I was finally able to symbolically march in a parade I had missed 28 years ago. I quietly followed the Memorial Day parade in Lodi, Ohio. My two sons walked with me. I shared with them my feelings about honoring our country, not because our country always does the right things in the world, but because the American people always want and work to do those right things. They want to protect freedom and dignity here and throughout the world.

And veterans are American citizens who go that extra step. They commit their bodies and souls to protect and to defend us all. They don’t just defending the people and the laws that they like. That would be easy. They don’t protect only their parents, their children, their cousins. They protect the people they don’t know. They even protected the people they don’t like. They even protect the people who hurt them, or cheat them out of money, or otherwise treat them unfairly. That's the commitment a soldier makes: to defend everything, and to protect everyone.

Then they come home. Being part of a military organization isn't an easy job. In some ways it's like being a parent. You're never really off duty, never get enough sleep, nerves fray, your mistakes can cost someone their life, and once you've made the commitment, you stay and do the best that you can. And there are some wonderful moments of camaraderie.

And there the similarity ends. Because unlike parenthood, your comrades are all adults, all under stress, and react in their own ways to that stress. And the purpose is different. The military exists to cause destruction and death, not nurturing and growth. The potential for ugliness in any military organization is quite high. Violence is expected. It’s a big part of the job.

The military is a machine programmed for violent intervention. Sometimes it sits and waits, and no orders come to engage in violence. The machine does not wait well. It wants action.

The machine operators—-the people in charge—-have the responsibility of keeping that machine ready, without letting it hurt itself. Sometimes they fail, and violence between soldiers occurs. People make mistakes, and that machine is hard to monitor. But when one American soldier hurts another American soldier, the damage can be incredibly painful.

I am a soldier who has felt that violence. The sense of betrayal and unreality was overwhelming. And I was hurt in a physically painful and deeply personal way. I was hurt as a soldier, as a woman, as a person. A fellow soldier overpowered me (made easier by my trust of his uniform), and raped me orally, vaginally, and anally.

The shock, the pain, the violence of that attack changed me forever. And I didn't even know I had changed because I hurt so badly in my whole being. I dissociated during the rape, which feels like parts of your brain don't communicate with other parts of your brain. If you think of the brain as a series of networked computers, mine became a roomful of stand-alone computers, unable to speak to each other.

To this day, I have to jump from one system to another to do different things. Life is inefficient and tiring. I can't recall events in a clear linear way. My whole system of memory has changed. For quite a long time, I didn't know it had changed, and when I did come to know it, I didn’t understand why it had happened. I was way too disconnected to figure it out on my own.

I have many problems that I don't understand and can't name.

What I have, I finally found, is something called PTSD: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. This is a chronic systemic disease, and can be terminal if undiagnosed and untreated. It’s systemic because it affects every part of a person's life: body, emotions, intellect, and soul. It's difficult to diagnose because it affects a person's cognitive functioning and their memory. PTSD is difficult to treat because no one fully understands it, and it is so very pervasive in, and damaging to, a person's life.

Symptoms of PTSD include:

1. Memory problems. Fragmented memories, often available as separate sensory memories. I may remember an event in a non-verbal sensory way, in terms of color, flashes of light, smoke, smells, shades of light and dark, tactile sensations, temperature, breeze. Any of these sensations can take me back to my trauma, leading to

2. Flashbacks. This is where I partially re-experience the event in my mind. I don't think I'm physically there, but my mind is. In my case if someone breathes on the side of my neck my mind takes me back to the scene of my rape, and I am mentally back on that floor. Flashbacks are painful and frightening, emotionally terrifying events. After a flashback, I am prone to

3. Dissociation. This is when I'm not sure where I am. I seem distant and confused. If I talk with you I will not remember our conversation later.

4. Nightmares. Sometimes of the trauma. These often involve sensory fragments incorporated into a new strange dream. Many times dreams are not remembered. I just wake up very alert and scared.

5. Interrupted sleep. Difficulty falling asleep. Difficulty staying asleep. Extreme startle reaction while sleeping in response to any noise or touch. This results in chronic sleep deprivation: no more than three to five hours of sleep each night, for the rest of the person's life.

6. Difficulty traveling. I get lost easily due to memory problems, dissociation, and flashbacks.

7. Difficulty forming close personal relationships, both due to trust and to the difficulty other people have with being friends with, or living with, someone with PTSD symptoms.

8. Difficulty holding a job. Due to symptoms, chronic fatigue from lack of sleep, anxiety, and memory problems.

9. Anxiety and panic attacks.

10. Depression. This is a result of trying to live with PTSD symptoms, difficulty in relationships (which we all crave), employment issues, and unresolved conflicts over the trauma (primarily the belief that there was some reason we were traumatized—like we weren't good enough).

11. Substance abuse. To relieve the depression and to dampen down the symptoms.

Mostly people with PTSD look fairly normal, but our lives are different. We are lonely, isolated, and confused. Life for us is very different from the way it was before the trauma or precipitating event, and very different than the way it would be if we didn't have this disease. Which is hard for us to imagine.

And many people look at us and blame us for being different, for having this disease, for not being pretty or handsome or normal anymore. But we didn't cause our disease. We live with it. It's chronic. Some of us are more damaged than others. Some of us take better care of ourselves than others. And the world hurts some of us repeatedly more than others.

One of the ways that we are hurt is by interacting with the Department of Veterans Affairs, which is staffed by a wide range of people. Some caring. Some indifferent. Some destructive.

Those of us veterans who remember the nation's promise to us seek help, not just for our medical problems, which are easy to see, but also for our emotional and spiritual problems. We were promised this help. We were promised this help whether we came home and you liked us, or didn't like us. We were promised this help because we promised to protect all of you whether we liked you or not. And we honored our promise to defend you. We understood that we were offering our whole beings, including our lives, to that cause.

We came home. We have problems. We ask for help. And the system is failing us. The American people need to know that the system is failing the veterans. You need to know so that you can decide whether you want to try to fix the system, so that it operates more fairly and honors its promises, or whether you want to just leave it the way it is.

Maybe you want to try to fix things. Maybe you don’t. But if you don’t, please don't lie to us. Be honest. If you don’t want to try to fix the system, have the decency to tell us that your intentions have changed, and you cannot or will not honor the promises that were made. Because as bleak as that would be, it’s still better than being lied to all the time.

Coming up next: part three.

Veterans Day: part one of a series

2006-11-13T08:57:00.000-05:00

Note: this was originally written on June 9, 2002. I recently decided to revise it somewhat for this blog. Revisions, additions, comments, and updates are indicated by italics.

I recommend that anyone who has PTSD or who has been sexually assaulted be careful, or even to consider avoid reading this. Some of the content is graphic. Feel free to skip those parts to avoid triggering any symptoms of your own! And as always, your comments are welcome.

VETERANS, PTSD, AND THE VA TREATMENT AND COMPENSATION SYSTEM

PART ONE

by bram

About the author: I am a 46-year-old female veteran.

I am 50 years old now.

I joined the U.S. Army in 1974. That same year, while undergoing AIT training in Fort Dix, New Jersey, I was sexually assaulted by a male soldier. I developed hemorrhagic cystitis and was hospitalized for for 40 days with bacterial meningitis.

What is rape? Many people think of rape as “bad sex.” Consider the concept of bad driving. Bad driving can be looking at your radio, then realizing you are on the berm of the road, and correcting the wheels back onto the road. Or it can be a front-end collision with mangled bodies, broken glass, and twisted metal.

Both are instances of bad driving. One may have been preventable. Both may have been preventable. Who knows? But I guarantee you will have a much harder time recovering from the front-end collision (if you recover at all) than from driving off of the road.

My rape was a front-end collision. It wasn’t just non-consensual sex. It wasn’t just bad sex. It was a sexual attack that led to me bleeding so severe (not part of my period), that I was pissing and leaking blood. I had to wear a maxi pad constantly for days afterwards. The attack was so severe that most of the specific fragments of it didn’t resurface in my mind, and then in a jumbled mass, until I gave birth to children many years later.. The pain of childbirth, the bleeding and ripping of flesh, caused the fragmented memories of the rape to resurface from the jail cells my mind had placed them in. I was confused and frightened.

For years the assault was “bad sex” to me. That way I had some control. And control was what I most desperately wanted. Because without personal control, anything can happen to anybody at any time, and that notion was unbearable to me.

While I was in the hospital, after the rape, I was diagnosed by an Army psychiatrist with "transient situational personality disorder."

I wasn't told what my diagnosis was.

This is a fictitious diagnosis, one not listed in the DSM, that seems to mirror what is today known as acute stress disorder. Untreated, that disorder progressed to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD.

I was given a discharge from service but I was denied all benefits. I later asked for the record to be corrected, and ultimately received a 10% disability rating for residuals of meningitis.

I received a college education from a well-respected liberal arts college. I obtained a Bachelor of Arts degree in business administration, and then got my MBA. My GPA in graduate school was 4.0.

Despite my academic success, I have been unable to achieve adequate career, financial, or social adjustment. My life has been a series of failures. No one could ever be more disappointed by my life than I am.

In 1997, I needed medical treatment following the birth of my second son. I received treatment at the Brecksville VA hospital. Through that interventio,n I discovered that I have a mental disorder called PTSD, which I now consider to be a chronic, progressive, systemic disease. I am also diagnosed with migraines, and fibromyalgia, a muscle pain disease activated and aggravated by chronic lack of sleep.

Actually, that diagnosis was wrong, and four years later, after having a continuously high rheumatoid factor and being told I only needed more counseling, I was correctly diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, and given some medication for it!

An echocardiogram performed by the VA indicated that I also have pulmonary hypertension, which they have chosen not to treat. I believe that my deteriorating health is directly related to wear and tear of my PTSD symptoms on my body.

There is research linking PTSD (which changes neural pathways) with many health problems, primarily cardiac and auto-immune disorders.

I currently have an appeal to service-connect my PTSD before the Board of Veterans Appeals.

My claim was decided in my favor by the BVA in the fall of 2002, at a percentage just low enough to not warrant 100% compensation.

In the VA system, a disability is rated between 0 and 100%, in 10% increments. A claim to increase the percentage is pending.

I lost my BVA claim to increase my percentage, and my claim is now at the U.S. Court of Appeals.

I am sharing my story out of caring and wanting the world to be a better place. I hope that increased understanding can improve the treatment and lives of all of our veterans who suffer with this disorder. It is a very painful disease.

Click here to read part two.

Veterans Day: an introduction

2006-11-10T08:51:00.000-05:00

Happy Veterans Day, I guess.

Despite all the lip service paid to our men and women in uniform, the current administration behaves as though the only good veteran is a dead veteran, to paraphrase an old saying (remember the Indians, ahem, native Americans?).

Why do I feel this way? Well, one day a year we “honor” living veterans. One day a year we honor dead veterans. But each and every day the nation, and that means all of us, ignores their medical and financial needs.

I hear so much about how everyone supports the troops, even if that speaker is against the war, but who supports those troops when they come home? You know, the people who may have survived the physical ordeal, perhaps with some body pieces missing, the ones whose brains were shaken in bomb attacks and who have psychological, neurological, and cognitive deficits? How about the ones with PTSD? Their numbers are growing daily. Who is helping them? Who cares?

The VA medical system is overburdened and underfinanced. Veterans who need care wait months to receive it, often being shuttled from one specialist to another, always waiting for appropriate treatment that they may never receive. Those with physical problems that aren’t easily diagnosable are often told that their problems are psychological, until their illness is so advanced that they may never recover, and their quality of life sucks. Those with psychological problems may be diagnosed correctly (PTSD), or may be misdiagnosed in an attempt to limit the financial compensation that they may be eligible to receive. Counseling, like medical care, is rationed. Many patients are seen by a counselor once a month or so, by a psychiatrist (for a medication check), once every three months or so. This isn't close to being adequate for the kinds of coping problems many veterans have.

But who cares? We live in a society where depersonalization is the norm. I’m pretty familiar with depersonalization--I have PTSD, and I don’t feel real to myself sometimes (okay, a lot of the time). Depersonalization is when someone doesn’t seem real. They don’t have blood, feelings, friends. They are them. In my case, I am them, and self-destructive behavior comes from that.

If you feel real to yourself, and the soldier doesn’t feel real to you, then it’s easy for you to hurt him or her, ignore him or her, pretend any of their problems are solely theirs and not your own. After all, many, if not most, of these soldiers are people from small towns, or impoverished areas of cities where their opportunities were so limited that any way out seemed like a step up, even joining the military.

But these soldiers and veterans are real people. I watch and read the news and I don’t hear the number of casualties being reported. I see faces. I see mangled bodies. I see blood on the ground and on the shredded trucks. I see someone’s mother crying and holding a picture her child painted for her in the third grade. I see a person who will never touch anyone again, or make love, or enjoy the feel of the sun on their face on the first day of spring when the birds are singing and the ground smells damp with life, not death.

When I read of the veterans returning home with injuries I realize that some are in hospitals, alone, receiving what medical care is available. They are struggling to regain some mastery over what is left of their bodies, their minds, their lives. The future they had planned or imagined is gone. The pain is constant, both physical and mental. And who cares?

The veterans that come home with psychological problems (PTSD), whether diagnosed or not, face a confusing and out-of-control future. One of the big problems is that the mentally ill (if I can refer to us as that), are expected to realize that we are mentally ill, and to seek help. Okay. We all see our own reality. What sort of reality does a person see who has just returned from a place where danger lurks everywhere and the smell of death is in the air? Where blood is a paint? Where someone may smile at you and then blow you up? Normal is whatever you live with on a daily basis. A person does not come back from this situation and suddenly think okay, the world is safe now.

Here's a news flash: it isn’t safe anyway. Some places may be safer than others. For many of us the solution is isolation. That’s safe. That makes sense. So the VA needs to make an outreach effort. The public needs to be aware of the need and to do their part.

Another problem is the number of veterans who live in poverty, who are homeless, who have needs they don’t even want to admit to.

In theory there is a compensation system for veterans with physical andor psychological problems. That system is unfair and burdensome, and many veterans give up or die before they can receive any help.

Over the next few days I will be sharing with you something that I wrote several years ago. It does not address specifically the needs of today’s new veterans, because it is very personal, and I am not a new veteran. What I hope to do is to put a face on a problem, to reduce the depersonalization.

My life is pretty screwed up. I have PTSD. I have pulmonary hypertension, I have asthma, and I have rheumatoid arthritis. The worst illness by far is the PTSD, and that’s what I want to share with you. I want to take you inside the PTSD. I want to show you how the compensation system works, and how it doesn't work.

Above all, please honor the veterans more than once or twice a year. That requires a little effort beyond simply slapping a metallic ribbon on your bumper and sticking a flag decal on your windshield, but it is worth it.

Try to see a face, not just a number.

Rumsfeld has gone

2006-11-08T13:28:00.001-05:00

Yesterday we put up a post here linking to an Army Times editorial saying that Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld must go.

Today he's gone:

Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld, architect of an unpopular war in Iraq, intends to resign after six stormy years at the Pentagon, Republican officials said Wednesday.

Officials said Robert Gates, former head of the CIA, would replace Rumsfeld.

The development occurred one day after congressional elections that cost Republicans control of the House of Representatives, and possibly the Senate as well. Surveys of voters at polling places said opposition to the war was a significant contributor to the Democratic Party's victory.

Had we known that all it took was for the mighty jaded to weigh in on this issue to get this inept blustering jackass to resign, we'd have done so months ago.

Good riddance, Rummy. Don't let, door, ass, etc.

Rumsfeld must go

2006-11-07T10:53:00.000-05:00

[U.S. Defense Secretary Donald] Rumsfeld has lost credibility with the uniformed leadership, with the troops, with Congress and with the public at large. His strategy has failed, and his ability to lead is compromised. And although the blame for our failures in Iraq rests with the secretary, it will be the troops who bear its brunt.

This is not about the midterm elections. Regardless of which party wins Nov. 7, the time has come, Mr. President, to face the hard bruising truth:

Donald Rumsfeld must go.

Harsh words! This must have been written by one of your typical Bush-bashing lefties, right?

Wrong.

war is over (if you say so)

2006-11-07T07:56:00.000-05:00

It's got to be tough to be an Army recruiter these days. The people who shout the loudest about the need to go to war are the least likely to volunteer.

So how do you get people to enlist? Well, you could always lie your ass off:

An ABC News undercover investigation showed Army recruiters telling students that the war in Iraq was over, in an effort to get them to enlist.

ABC News and New York affiliate WABC equipped students with hidden video cameras before they visited 10 Army recruitment offices in New York, New Jersey and Connecticut.

"Nobody is going over to Iraq anymore?" one student asks a recruiter.

"No, we're bringing people back," he replies.

"We're not at war. War ended a long time ago," another recruiter says.

Despite the pressure to make quota, these tactics are reprehensible, and any recruiter who would lie like that ought to be held fully accountable for his actions.

Of course, such accountability should begin at the top, but that's not likely to happen with the kind of "leadership" we're getting from men like Bush and Rumsfeld.

lump-sum payment proposal rejected

2006-11-01T09:28:00.000-05:00

Tom Philpott reports on military.com:

The Veterans’ Disability Benefits Commission has examined and rejected a proposal that the VA begin offering veterans with lower-rated disabilities a lump-sum payment instead of lifetime monthly compensation. The 13-member commission reached its decision unanimously last week at a public meeting in Washington D.C. It did so after being briefed on the pros and cons of lump-sum VA disability payments, and hearing arguments against the idea from veterans’ service organizations. . . .

Joseph V. Violante, legislative director for Disabled American Veterans, testified Oct. 19 against the lump-sum settlements, on behalf of 13 veterans’ groups and service associations. Later, in an interview, Violante said he was surprised to learn that commissioners, that same day, directed their staff to prepare a decision paper recommending rejection of all lump-sum options. . . .

Veterans should be relieved, said Violante. Those tempted by lump sums, he said, "would be giving up a lot of their benefit . . . and would face the possibility of not being able to re-open their claim should conditions worsen."

This decision is good news for veterans. If the lump-sum payment option were to be enacted, many veterans would lose the ability to reopen their claims and ask for increases in the percentage of their service-connected disability, and resulting increase in their monthly disability payments.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with this system, the VA rates claims on a percentage basis, from 0%, 10%, etc., up to 100%. You guessed it: initially many claims are rated at a very low percentage. Over a period of many years, the veteran may reopen their claim, or go through the appeals process to increase the percentage of disability, and thus the amount of compensation. Many disabilities are rated too low initially, and many disabilities become more severe with age. A lump-sum payment would leave veterans vulnerable as they aged, and unable to access compensation.

So, for whatever reason, the right outcome is in the works! A delightful change of pace from a system that is so adversarial to veterans in general.

a worthy cause

2006-10-30T19:04:00.000-05:00

From Andrew of the must-read Obsidian Wings comes this entreaty:

Project Valour-IT is a fund drive intended to raise money for troops injured in Iraq and Afghanistan, purchasing voice-operated laptops for troops with hand and arm injuries or amputations. If anyone has a few dollars to spare and is looking for someplace to spend it, I think it's a pretty good cause.

More about Project Valour-IT:

Every cent raised for Project Valour-IT goes directly to the purchase and shipment of voice-activated laptops for wounded servicemembers. As of October 2006, Valour-IT has distributed nearly 600 laptops to severely wounded soldiers, sailors, airmen, and Marines across the country.

During its initial phase, Valour-IT created "libraries" of laptops equipped with voice-controlled software for the severely wounded staying at major military medical centers. In many cases a laptop was provided to a wounded hero for permanent use. Most recently thanks to the efforts of the Military Order of the Purple Heart, Valour-IT is now able to reach personnel in VA hospitals who would benefit from a Valour-IT laptop.

If you can afford to contribute to this cause, please consider doing so.

"she's nothing like she used to be"

2006-10-30T13:26:00.000-05:00

From the Whittier Daily News:

After a one-year tour of duty in Iraq, U.S. Army Pfc. Monica Perales is not the same person she was when she left in March 2003, her family says.

Always sweet and patient, the Whittier resident now snaps at them, at her friends and even at strangers at the slightest provocation, said her mother, Terry Perales.

Monica served with the 8th Battalion, 101st Aviation Regiment, unloading aircraft parts from trucks in a military camp called "Key West" in southern Iraq.

"She was a sweetheart. Now she lashes out at people all the time because she's so short-tempered," Terry Perales said. "She's nothing like she used to be. Now she speaks her mind, not thinking who she's going to hurt.

"And she has no patience with her daughter anymore," she added.

Monica, 23, said she is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a condition that more than 30 percent of veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars sought treatment for in the first year they returned home, according to a recent study from the Walter Reed Army Institute of Research.

She said she still has nightmares of people trying to kill her and finds herself constantly looking over her shoulder for danger.

Thanks to the war in Iraq, PTSD is going to affect tens of thousands of American men and women over the next fifty or sixty years. The lucky ones will be diagnosed and treated. The unlucky ones won't be.

Many of them will become alcoholics or undergo severe depression. Some, perhaps most, of them will from time to time lash out in anger against their will at strangers and loved ones alike. Some of them will commit suicide.

But hey, look at the bright side. A few Iraqi schools got painted this year. I guess it all evens out in the end.

a test

2006-10-23T00:30:00.000-04:00

Let's say we line up, oh, hell, a couple hundred thousand American soldiers, fine men and women in combat uniform, officers, non-coms, grunts, and we put them on TV. Then George W. Bush walks in with a loaded Glock. Now let's say that the President puts the gun to the temple of the first soldier and says, "If I shoot this Army private dead, there's a chance America will be victorious and democracy will bring peace to Iraq. Do you want me to do it?" There's no guarantees, though--just the chance. What would you say?

Who else but The Rude Pundit could explain the Iraq war in so stark a fashion? Too bad no one who supports the war has the guts to take this test.

Cross-posted at Waffle Ass.

falling down the rabbit hole

2006-10-23T00:09:00.000-04:00

Chris Rose, a columnist for the New Orleans Times-Picayune, has written a moving account of his own personal descent into post-Katrina depression:

For all of my adult life, when I gave it thought--which wasn't very often--I regarded the concepts of depression and anxiety as pretty much a load of hooey.

I never accorded any credibility to the idea that such conditions were medical in nature. Nothing scientific about it. You get sick, get fired, fall in love, get laid, buy a new pair of shoes, join a gym, get religion, seasons change--whatever; you go with the flow, dust yourself off, get back in the game. I thought anti-depressants were for desperate housewives and fragile poets.

I no longer feel that way. Not since I fell down the rabbit hole myself and enough hands reached down to pull me out.

One of those hands belonged to a psychiatrist holding a prescription for anti-depressants. I took it. And it changed my life.

Read the whole thing here. Yes, it's long, but it's well worth your time.

Via DK, who handles the weekend shift at Josh Marshall's Talking Points Memo.

somehow

2006-10-20T15:17:00.000-04:00

Somehow back at home, support for the soldiers meant having a five-year-old kindergartener scribble a picture with crayons and send it overseas, or slapping stickers on cars, or lobbying Congress for an extra pad in a helmet. It’s interesting that a soldier on his third or fourth tour should care about a drawing from a five-year-old; or a faded sticker on a car as his friends die around him; or an extra pad in a helmet, as if it will protect him when an IED throws his vehicle 50 feet into the air as his body comes apart and his skin melts to the seat.

That's a quote from an essay at truthdig by Kevin Tillman. Kevin, pictured above (right), and his brother Pat (left) served as Army Rangers in Iraq and Afghanistan. Kevin came home in 2005. Pat came home in 2004 in a coffin.

Read the whole thing.

I'd give a month's pay to be in the same room if Kevin Tillman ever got a chance to meet George W. Bush. One of them wouldn't be able to look the other in the eye. And we all know which of those that would be.

a guide to the military

2006-10-16T07:50:00.000-04:00

Click on the cartoon for a larger version. You might need to save it and look at it in a file viewer if it looks too small in your browser.

This is by cartoonist Ward Sutton. His "Sutton Impact" appears each week in the Village Voice.

snark from the master

2006-10-13T15:51:00.000-04:00

As regards bram's post below about Army Strong, here's what Tbogg, one of the very best bloggers out there, had to say:

The U.S. Army has unleashed a new ad campaign called Army Strong because Army Of One was too wordy and included math.

How can you beat that? Read the rest.

the slogans are replaced, by the by

2006-10-11T08:30:00.000-04:00

Wow, the Army came up with a new recruiting slogan! "Army Strong" will replace "Army of One."

The U.S. Army has tried to lure recruits with the advertising slogan "An Army of One" for less than six years, a blink of an eye in the hidebound traditions of the U.S. military. But the Army plans to dump it, starting next month, in favor of "Army Strong."

"An Army of One" was introduced to combat what consultants determined was a view among recruiting-age people that the Army was dehumanizing. The slogan has been derided by many from its outset as a glib fantasy of the regimentation required by the uniform.

The new slogan, developed in numerous tests with focus groups and interviews with soldiers, is meant to convey the idea that if you join the Army you will gain physical and emotional strength, as well as strength of character and purpose.

Aw, I'm going to miss "Army of One." After all, I am an Army of One every time I fight the bureaucracy for my benefits at the Veterans Administration.

I imagine it is pretty tough recruiting people to join the Army right now, what with that little squirmish in Iraq, and the resulting high injury count, not to mention the occasional death. Or 2,700 of them, and counting.

To see what actual soldiers are thinking and feeling, check out the section of Doonesbury cartoonist Garry Trudeau's website called The Sandbox:

Welcome to The Sandbox, our command-wide milblog, featuring comments, anecdotes, and observations from service members currently deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan. This is GWOT-lit's forward position, offering those in-country a chance to share their experiences and reflections with the rest of us. The Sandbox's focus is not on policy and partisanship (go to our Blowback page for that), but on the unclassified details of deployment -- the everyday, the extraordinary, the wonderful, the messed-up, the absurd. The Sandbox is a clean, lightly-edited debriefing environment where all correspondence is read, and as much as possible is posted. And contributors may rest assured that all content, no matter how robust, is currently secured by the First Amendment.

Hats off to Trudeau for this. I read some of the posts, but had to stop for today. I can only take so much of this at a time. Real people, real lives, real tragedy.

Update: We've added a link to The Sandbox in the sidebar to the right.

a matter of priorities

2006-10-05T20:39:00.000-04:00

Writing for the McClatchy Newspapers, David Goldstein reports:

The Department of Veterans Affairs failed to fully spend a promised $300 million since 2005 to fill critical gaps in mental health services for returning troops and others, congressional investigators said.

The money was supposed to be used to improve awareness of the VA's mental health programs and provide better access to them for troops who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, women and other veterans suffering from serious mental illnesses.

But a Government Accountability Office report released Thursday found that the agency underspent the money and that not all of what it did spend went to those programs.

More here.

Awareness of mental health programs? Better access? Who needs that kind of crap? No, the government has better things to do with your money. Like throw a victory party:

The military's top generals have warned that Iraq is on the cusp of a civil war and that US troops must remain in large numbers until at least next spring. But if the winds suddenly blow a different direction, Congress is ready to celebrate with a $20 million victory party.

Lawmakers included language in this year's defense spending bill, approved last week, allowing them to spend the money. The funds for "commemoration of success" in Iraq and Afghanistan were originally tucked into last year's defense measure, but went unspent amid an uptick in violence in both countries that forced the Pentagon to extend tours of duty for thousands of troops.

Priorities.

These stories certainly aren't amusing, but they do remind me of the joke about the guy who hung around the slot machines in Vegas, asking passersby for $10 so he could buy milk and bread for his children.

"Milk and bread, my ass," one passing gambler said to the first man. "How do I know you won't spend that money on the slots?"

The first man was offended by the suggestion, and looked the other man in the eye. "Sir, don't be ridiculous. I have gambling money."

training for VA claims examiners?

2006-09-26T18:35:00.000-04:00

I guess I'm not the only one who believes that the big mess that is the VA claims process, including a tremendous backlog of cases waiting to be processed and reprocessed, could be largely cleaned up by training the claims adjudicators so that they rule on claims accurately and fairly the first time. Today it can take ten years or more for a veteran to get a claim through the system, and for that veteran to be compensated at the correct and fair percentage of disability.

Congressman Jeff Miller (R-FL), the Chairman of the Subcommittee on Disability Assistance and Memorial Affairs, recently held an oversight hearing on just that subject.

He thinks the way to improve the system is not just to add staff, but to actually train them, so that the system functions in the non-adversarial way that it was originally designed to function.

Wow, what a concept! Too bad it's just a hearing, and may wind up going nowhere. Sort of like the way my own claim has meandered through the system for the past nine years.

It took four years for the VA to decide I was disabled at all. Now we are bickering over the percentage, even though their own Vocational Rehabilitation Division has decided that I am unemployable, and even though, based on my VA claims file, the Social Security Administration has decided that I am disabled.

Social Security doesn't have to pay me a dime, though (except a death benefit to my kids, should I die), because I worked part time while I was disabled, and didn't earn enough credits to be entitled to Social Security disability within the last ten years.

Ain't the government great?

delay, lie, deny, wait for the veteran to die

2006-09-25T12:35:00.000-04:00

I do believe that is the unofficial motto of the Department of Veterans Affairs. The Haas case proves that. Remember the U. S. Court of Appeals case that Jonathan Haas recently won? His case set the precedent that veterans who hadn't officially set foot on land in Vietnam, but who were in the waters (or skies), and who were thus exposed to Agent Orange, could claim presumptive service-connected disorders. A rare victory for veterans.

Well, read this.

The VA is not going to process those claims at this time because it is considering an appeal. That's right. Even though they lost the case at the U.S. Court of Appeals, they are not acting in accordance with the ruling.

What will be the repercussions to the VA officials for thumbing their noses at this ruling?

Zilch. Nada. Nothing. No matter how many claims they screw up, no matter how many veterans die waiting for relief and help, there are no consequences to these folks. Just a regular salary and nice benefits.

The real reform we need to the veterans compensation system isn't necessarily another layer of attorneys to represent veterans, but rather some serious consequences to the VA employees, bosses and underlings alike, who lose files, misinterpret files, refuse to follow their own directives, and otherwise screw up veterans' cases, leading to despair and poverty among veterans.

Where else can you work where you can do anything you want to a "client" and have no repercussions whatsoever?

what passes for health care in rural Ohio

2006-09-21T12:52:00.000-04:00

If you are an umarried woman living in rural Ohio, and you want to obtain a prescription for emergency contraception, well, good luck with that. From The Den of the Biting Beaver comes this sordid tale of one woman's attempt to get something that she made the mistake of thinking that she, as an American citizen, was entitled to have without needing to justify her sexual habits and marital situation to strangers.

The motto of the Biting Beaver is "gnawing away at sexism and misogyny, one patriarchal asshole at a time!" Sadly, the Beaver has got her work cut out for her in this red state.

(Cross-posted at Waffle Ass.)

smarter than me

2006-09-15T11:49:00.000-04:00

I have a teenage son. And as so many teenagers are, he is smarter than I am. Just ask him. He has everything figured out.

That doesn't detract from the fact that sometimes he is smarter than I am.

Last night he commented that there was a time when he hated me. I have rheumatoid arthritis, recently diagnosed, but I've had it for at least four years. I used to refer to it as the "mystery disease." It changed my life, and not for the better as far as I was concerned. I hated the disease. I hated the changes in my life. I had always been very physically active. I ran a horse stable and conducted riding lessons by myself. I went to horse shows. Running a barn requires a lot of physical work, like cleaning stalls, stacking hay, carrying water buckets, stuff like that. Teaching riding lessons requires grooming and tacking up horses, and a lot of walking and sometimes running to stay with the students who may not have great balance, and need reassurance.

So the mystery disease slowly ended my career as a riding instructor and as a barn manager. I was faced with not knowing who I was without that identity. Also, whose body was this? The one that wasn't strong anymore? I had defined myself as an athlete, and now I wasn't one.

At the same time I was struggling with Veterans Health Care physicians to convince them that I had a physical illness that was causing me severe pain and disability. They thought it was just part and parcel of my PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). In other words, I was crazy, not sick. No, I insisted, I am crazy and sick.

So I went through a long period of depression. I alternated between giving up and continuing to fight for health care. And I endured a lot of untreated pain. In the meantime my joints were starting to be eaten away by the RA.

The time when I was so depressed, my son says, was the time when he hated me. He explained, "Every change brings something positive, you just may not see it at the time. Maybe it's something you've already done, or something so small that you don't see it, or something you are doing now, that doesn't seem important to you."

This amazed me, coming from the boy who once told me, "The glass isn't half full. The glass isn't half empty. The glass is fucking broken." Ok, we both laughed about that one, which was part of the point. Inanity, you know?

Back to the part about changes. So what positive changes have resulted from the RA?

I am no longer arrogant about physical superiority. Make no mistake, I was arrogant. I was a very talented, agile rider, and I looked down on people who weren't fit. I took my own fitness and good health for granted. So, can it be that perhaps I have developed more compassion and empathy?

I get to shop at the local store on the day when seniors and the disabled get 5% off. This means most of my fellow shoppers are retirees. I used to find them annoying because they moved so slowly down the aisles, and I had Lots Of Important Things To Do. For some reason this isn't an issue for me any more. I also have the opportunity to smile at people at the store, and sometimes make brief small talk. We have a common bond, the willingness to be kind.

I no longer have a barn full of horses to take care of. I have one 24-year old horse whom I have "owned" for 20 years. We have been to all of the local shows and have a wall full of ribbons. He has taught lessons for me for years, and I can't count how many mortgage payments he made on this place through his hard work. Now I have the time to groom him every day before I turn him out into his pasture. He nickers to me and "grooms" me back by rubbing his mouth on my shoulder or arm. I get to watch him walk around his pasture eating grass, and he is beautiful because his coat is clean and shiny, and because I love him.

I've discovered that some people don't believe in disabilities. They just have no imagination or empathy or something. Many people who used to be friends decided to cut and run. Then there are those who don't. I have discovered that one good friend, like one good horse, is enough to bring happiness, peace, and love to my life.

And then there is that son of mine, to always remind me that sometimes family can be friends too. Even if they used to hate you.

"I'd rather shoot people than go to church"

2006-09-06T12:07:00.000-04:00

We discuss all kinds of things at my house:war, humanity’s inhumanity to man (and to woman), ethics, poverty, and all sorts of social issues. Because I have PTSD, and because I believe that random bad stuff just happens sometimes, and that people (read common and leaders) do too little to reduce those bad things, I suppose I have been quite an influence on my two boys.

I am beginning to appreciate that more as the older one (16 going on 17) grows up and speaks out. I hope that my jaded attitude hasn’t harmed him.

When he was little, and I was experimenting with my attitudes toward religion (I am a recovering Catholic), I attended the Church of the Brethren for a few years. The Church of the Brethren seemed to fit my lifestyle of simplicity, nonviolence, and the desire to minimize destruction of the earth’s resources. Being one of the Brethren was almost like being Amish, without the requirement of having lots of babies, which was one of the problems I had with Catholicism as well.

This predated our nation's current involvement with Iraq and Afghanistan. My older boy was still quite young, and I dragged him to church with me. I convinced the pastor that he was of the "age of reason," and he and I were baptized into the Brethren faith. This provides my son with conscientious objector status if the draft is reinstated, which was also a factor in my choice.

Well, we drifted away from that church. Its members tended not to be as tolerant as I am. There was a little scandal at a neighboring church about a cross-dressing couple. Some people got pretty excited about that. Maybe they weren’t cross-dressing in dark enough clothes, I don’t know.

Anyway, my feeling has always been, gee, I don’t care who people sleep with or what they wear. Just don’t proposition me, my kids, or my horse, okay? Also, with the PTSD, I guess I don’t play or pray well with others.

We stopped going to church. Somewhere along the line my older boy has decided that religion is the root of all evil. I kind of get his point. He watches the news. Christians, Muslims, fighting, stupidity. Righteous people thinking poor people must be inherently bad and lazy or they wouldn’t be poor. It goes on. Plus, he has watched me struggle to provide for him and his brother, and fight for benefits from the Veterans Administration (one nation under God).

A few weeks ago I mentioned the Brethren connection to him. I told him that if a draft is reinstated he should find God again right away, and start attending services. He demurred.

Last night on the way home from the grocery store he told me, “I’d rather kill people than go to church.” Extreme?

Okay, I think he was trying to make me laugh, and it worked. Then again, it might be true. What does that say about the impact of religion on our children? Not as a cause of unity and peace, but an excuse for intolerance and violence against those who are different.

What would Jesus think?

poverty in Cleveland, poverty in paradise

2006-08-30T08:31:00.000-04:00

Here is the featured story in the Cleveland Plain Dealer today.

One in three Clevelanders live below the federal poverty level. Does that sound high to you?

Even better are some of the previous stories by Sam Fulwood III, like this one, which describes life as an urban poor person.

Of course the cities aren’t the only places where poor people live. There are many poor people in rural areas as well. They are practically invisible, as are all poor people. Mostly because no one wants to look at a poor person. Maybe poverty is contagious?

I don’t think I caught poverty from anyone. I grew up in a working class home, typical of its time. Dad worked at a factory in Cleveland, Mom took care of the kids, the house, the laundry . . . well, you get the idea. I graduated from high school and joined the Army, mostly to escape the small town (just outside of Cleveland), and also to obtain the means to go to college.

Things went wrong from the get-go. Basic training was strenuous, but strangely rewarding. In 1974 so many doors were still closed to women that I was thrilled to be able to do what the "boys" did, and to do it successfully. Then I was shipped to Fort Dix, New Jersey for AIT (Advanced Individual Training), and things went terribly wrong. How wrong I didn’t fully appreciate until years later.

I was assaulted. Sexually assaulted. By a "fellow soldier." Same uniform. Different goals and attitudes.

Wow. Nothing quite tells a person that they aren’t wanted like that. I continued training, somehow, until a few days later, when I was sent to the hospital by my training officer. I’ll spare you the details of my physical ordeal, but the after-effects were such that I was hospitalized for 40 days.

The end of that part of the story is that I was discharged from the service without any benefits. Yup. Later I discovered that I could get the benefits, and had the discharge changed.

I went to college and worked. I earned both a Bachelor of Arts degree and then a Masters degree. I worked, but I had problems dealing with other people. I didn’t get them, and they didn’t get me.

I discovered something I could do. I loved horses, and kids. I started teaching riding lessons, and training horses. It wasn’t much of a living, but I was independent and self-supporting, although still near poverty level. I managed to compete successfully in the local horse shows (including Chagrin), on a shoestring budget. I had a lot of talent, just no money or backing.

In the spring of 2002, more things began to go wrong. I came down with pneumonia, or what I was told was pneumonia. After rounds of antibiotics (I was poor enough for Medicaid, so I was lucky enough to obtain medicine), I was finally given some prednisone, which made me well enough to resume teaching lessons. The loss of my self-employment income during my illness really sent me into financial trouble.

But things got worse. I never really felt right after that. At the same time, I was embroiled in a conflict with the Veterans Administration over my PTSD compensation (for which I filed in 1998, and was finally awarded in 2003). During the course of my illness I had great difficulty making my farm payments, and was maybe a month away from foreclosure when the award of back disability pay came in. I used the entire (meager) check to clear my mortgage, thereby granting my two kids and me a place to continue living.

When I was awarded the VA disability of $800 per month I was cut off of Medicaid. This made me solely reliant on VA medical care, located an hour and a half away from my home. Sometimes I had an operational vehicle. Sometimes I did not. There are no buses here, and to get there I had to cross two county lines.

Anyway, I never felt right again. I had overwhelming fatigue, muscle pain and weakness, joint pain. The VA doctors said it was from my PTSD and that I needed more counseling. The bean-counters in charge of compensation said I was physically sick, so they wouldn’t increase my compensation for PTSD. Hmmm. Finally the doctors diagnosed me with fibromyalgia and told me all I needed was more counseling and exercise. I was unable to exercise because of the pain.

I gradually shut down my riding business. This summer the VA doctors finally diagnosed me with rheumatoid arthritis, a mere four years after I presented with all of the symptoms and lab work indicative of it. That means I have waited four years to begin to be treated for this chronic debilitating illness. I can’t help but think that I might have saved my riding business if I had been able to be treated earlier.

Such is the plight of the mentally disabled and poor. No one believed that I was physically ill because I had a mental diagnosis. Good health care was not available, although I was lucky to have any health care at all. Because I persevered, I was finally able to get treatment. Now I try to figure out how to get by with what I have.

To be poor is to be invisible. It’s sort of like the attitude of many people about rape. It had to have been avoidable. Because if it’s not avoidable it could happen to anyone at any time. And that can’t be, can it?

hop on the bus, Gus

2006-08-28T20:05:00.000-04:00

Supporting the troops the Bush administration way:

For at least a year, the soldiers had survived one of the most dangerous jobs in the world: driving trucks on the violent roads of Iraq for the U. S. Army. Half the company had been at it nearly two years.

But when the 150 soldiers in the Massachusetts-based 220th Transportation Company, 94th Regional Readiness Command, arrived at Camp Atterbury in Indiana just after midnight Friday for demobilization, they were told they would have to take the bus home -- an 18- to 20-hour ride.

In. Fucking. Credible.

who takes care of the woman veteran?

2006-08-28T13:15:00.000-04:00

According to the this article in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, women are the fastest-growing group of veterans. More than 1,500 women have returned from Iraq and Afghanistan and have sought help at veterans hospitals.

In this war without a front, female veterans, who still aren't officially allowed in combat, are increasingly placed in combat situations. And let's face it, no place in Iraq is safe. And women aren't exempt from PTSD, far from it.

Of course, women aren't safe even among their own units. Last January, specialist Suzanne Swift went AWOL from her unit rather than return to Iraq and be continually sexually abused.

You'll note that this case hasn't gotten much media coverage, while the alleged rape and consequent murder of an Iraqi girl and her family have. Both are wrong, but the sexual abuse and assault of female soldiers, who now constitute 15% of all military servicepeople, is not considered mediaworthy. After all, what did those females expect when they enlisted? Perhaps to serve their country with honor and respect? Nah! I see that not much has changed since 1974, when I was an Army service member, and subject to the same treatment.

You may wonder why I am not posting this information in regular veterans forums. The truth is that we veterans are talking to ourselves (nothing new there), while the general public remains unaware and untouched by what's going on "over there" and "to them." I harbor a faint hope that if the general public were aware of these issues that are fucking up the lives of so many people, they would call for 1) an end to the war, 2) a reform of the military, and 3) a reform of the veterans compensation and medical system.

Update: Learn more about Suzanne Swift at her website.

Agent Orange veterans victory

2006-08-21T11:12:00.000-04:00

In a victory for former sailor Jonathan L. Haas, the U.S. Court of Appeals for Veterans ruled last week that veterans can be eligible for medical and disability benefits from the results of Agent Orange that occurred while they were at sea. Up until Wednesday, the exposure had to have occurred on land (Viet Nam). More here.

This ruling will affect many disabled Navy veterans who had been exposed to Agent Orange while they were in Viet Nam waterways. Hurray! Of course, the ruling has come how many years later? Conveniently, many of those affected are dead by now. Savings for the government!

What is the U.S. Court of Appeals for Veterans? This is the "court" where, if they are very persistent, veterans end up after a long ordeal of bureaucratic nonsense. First, if a veteran thinks they might be entitled to disability compensation and medical care for a disability that was incurred in service, they file a claim with their Regional Veterans Department. There the VA has a "duty to assist" in the development of that claim. Also, veterans organizations such as The American Legion, The Disabled American Veterans, and The Viet Nam Veterans of America can assist the veteran at his or her request. Most claims are denied at this stage, especially in certain states, like Ohio.

The next stage is to ask for a Decision Review, or to appeal to the Board of Veterans Appeals in Washington, D.C. At this stage the veteran can add information to their claim, and either travel to D.C., wait for a traveling board member to come to their city, or have a teleconference. The veteran cannot have an attorney with them for this hearing, but a Veterans Service Officer from a veterans group may assist them. Get the feeling this isn’t a level playing field?

At this point, if the claim is denied--and usually it will be--the next step is the U.S. Court of Appeals. Now the veteran can retain an attorney, if they can find one willing to take their case. Oddly, there isn’t a long list of attorneys willing to tackle the federal government. Those few attorneys who are willing to do so may pick and choose their clients, wanting to represent cases that have the greatest chance of winning. So a lot of veterans face the appeals court without an attorney, simply because no one wants their case. They invariably lose.

If the veteran should somehow prevail at the U.S. Court of Appeals, often their case is remanded, or sent back, to the Board of Appeals or the Regional Office for further development, which is to say for further delays.

Some veterans go through this trying process as much to set precedent and to pave the way for others to receive just compensation as for their own benefit. It’s an emotionally draining and time-consuming process, one undertaken when a person has little in the way of financial or emotional resources left. The process can take ten years or more.

So, we should all be grateful for the sacrifices that Mr. Haas made, both in Viet Nam and in the jungles of bureaucracy that is the VA.

no more smiley faces :(

2006-08-21T11:09:00.000-04:00

Sure, this will work!

Researchers at the University of New Mexico's Health Sciences Center believe they have found a way to make patients less fearful of needles — decorate themwith butterflies, flowers and smiley faces.

Uh huh. I foresee a future generation that shrieks and winces at the sight of butterflies, flowers and smiley faces. Maybe that won’t be so bad. I hate smiley faces.

double murder

2006-08-18T14:42:00.000-04:00

Two people were shot to death in Cleveland yesterday, apparently after at least one of them went to complain about someone blasting loud music in the apartment building in which they lived.

One of the victims was Masumi Hayashi, an internationally-known photographer and art professor at Cleveland State Unversity. Her website, at least for now, can be found here.

I had the honor of attending a presentation of Hayashi's a while back. She was a gifted photographer and a kind, gentle woman who would never harm a soul.

what's all this hoopla about PTSD?

2006-08-18T10:54:00.000-04:00

What’s all this hoopla about PTSD, anyway? Here's the latest story about it.

Well, we have a lot of soldiers in a hot sandy country where they are not wanted. People are expressing their "feelings" with things like explosive devices and gunfire. Not all of the time. There are also the periods of time when the soldiers are waiting to see if an explosive device or gunfire will be coming their way.

The powers that be are all in favor of this oily war, and don’t mind giving lucrative contracts to their business buddies supplying the troops. But when it comes to treating the casualties of war, both physical and mental, the government (read military, Veterans Administration, and our elected officials), would rather pretend that there isn’t much of a problem, that the problem is curable, and that those who think it isn’t curable (like veterans who have had PTSD for, well, ever since their trauma) are worthless freeloading bums.

I guess I am one of those freeloading bums. As I am able to, I will attempt to provide information to show you how the system works (or doesn’t), as well as provide some information on PTSD and its mental, social, and physical effects.

Here's some information from our good friends at the United States Department of Veterans Affairs:

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults like rape. Most survivors of trauma return to normal given a little time. However, some people will have stress reactions that do not go away on their own, or may even get worse over time. These individuals may develope PTSD. People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person's daily life.

PTSD is marked by clear biological changes as well as psychological symptoms. PTSD is complicated by the fact that it frequently occurs in conjunction with related disorders such as depression, substance abuse, problems of memory and cognition, and other problems of physical and mental health. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person's ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting.

I can attest that this is but a simple summary and does not give you a real idea of the impact that this disorder has on a person and those around them. It’s disheartening, because it’s forever. And whatever goes wrong in life, at some point the person with PTSD figures out that the problem is within themselves. All because they know the basic truth that the world is an unsafe place and really horrible shit can happen at any time to anybody.

I also believe that some of that horrible shit is avoidable. Sometimes all it takes is an informed public and an election (that’s me trying to be hopeful).

drug pusher found liable

2006-08-17T14:15:00.000-04:00

From CNNMoney:

Merck was found negligent in the latest Vioxx case, as a jury in New Orleans federal court found that the drugmaker misrepresented the risks of the arthritis painkiller.

In a double-whammy, a New Jersey court judge tossed an earlier verdict that favored Merck in a separate trial, based on new evidence.

I'm shocked, shocked! I say, that a big pharmaceutical company would be less than forthcoming about the risks of one of its best-selling drugs. Why, it's almost as though they were putting profits before the safety of its consumers.

poisoned by dust

2006-08-17T08:25:00.000-04:00

Thought that kids getting sick and worse from lead paint was a thing of the past?

Think again. As Lisa Rab points out in a story in this week's Scene, it's not just eating paint chips that puts children at risk, paint dust can be poisonous too.

compare and contrast

2006-08-16T22:00:00.000-04:00

In a 2004 article in Salon.com, Paul Waldman wrote:

As the war with Iraq approached, [George W.] Bush became increasingly excited. According to the Washington Post, friends and lawmakers who met with Bush just before he launched the invasion found him "upbeat," "chatty," "cocky and relaxed" and "in high spirits." The most revealing moment came when he thought the cameras were off: Before he gave his national address announcing that the war had begun, a camera caught Bush pumping his fist, as though instead of initiating a war he had kicked a winning field goal or hit a home run. "Feels good," he said.

Of course, not everybody felt the same way. After all, some people actually had gone to war before, and they knew there was absolutely nothing on Earth to feel good about:

Former Army infantryman Richard Wittig, 83, of Berea, who fought through Italy, France and Germany during World War II, said he felt sad when the U.S. invaded Iraq.

"I felt the country let me down. I knew people were going to suffer," he said. "Frankly, I get so turned off by this thing that I deliberately try to avoid it. It just bothers me so much."

In an article in today's Plain Dealer, Brian Albrecht notes that veterans of past wars are increasingly reporting symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.

In my nearly 50 years on this planet, I've met my share of mental midgets, psychopaths, and self-absorbed pricks. But I honestly don't think I've ever met someone who so totally embodies all three of those characteristics as the man who has sent, so far, over 2,600 American men and women to fight and die, to say nothing of the more than 40,000 Iraqi civilians who have also been killed.

Blood on his hands? He's soaking in it.

brain age

2006-08-16T07:32:00.000-04:00

Besides complaining about the war in Iraq and our country's treatment of veterans, I play a few video games. Surprisingly, not the shoot-'em-up type, at least not usually the shoot-'em-up type.

A week ago I finally bought Brain Age for my Nintendo DS. Cute little game that is supposed to help us aging folks improve our mental capacity. What could be wrong with that? I've played it a few times and it's OK. In my case it may be hopeless, but that's another story.

The exercises include: simple math calculations, reading aloud, remembering a grid of hi to low numbers, stating the color of a color word, such as black, which would be red, reading aloud, counting syllables in sentences. Then there is my not-favorite, called Head Count. In this one you start out with a few little people, then a house covers them up, and people enter from the left, and exit from the right. You are supposed to keep a running total and correctly enter the remaining number of people in the house.

At first I was in Iraq mode, which wasn't good. So, you can imagine that having failed miserably at keeping track of the little people, I figured they were all a blight on society anyway, and well, it gets worse from there.

Then I started to think about who this game is intended for, which is an aging population. Now, if you live next door to a house where people are coming and going at all hours, should you be counting them or calling the police? Even in my neighborhood, that's known as a crack house. So, I imagine old people's houses being burglarized by crack heads while smiling seniors are busy counting the traffic instead of phoning the authorities.

So, go ahead, play the games, but remember, in real life those little people running in and out of that house may not be harmless stick figures.

more on the war and its effects

2006-08-15T13:16:00.000-04:00

"It's all in your head," VA doctors told Herbert Reed.

Turns out it's in his thyroid too. And in his gums, and in his urine. Hell, let's face it, it's everywhere.

Depleted uranium is another issue that faces the soldiers, and the world.

OK, I'm sorry. I will post something funny soon. Really.

For those of you who are doubtful about whom to believe in all of the depleted uranium controversy, just remember, our government stated for years that there was no problem with the Viet Nam vets being exposed to Agent Orange. I believe they thought it was as safe as salad dressing.

government dishonesty

2006-08-15T12:27:00.000-04:00

Hey, how's that for a start?

This is an old story, just being replayed. First, the government drafts, or nowadays entices, young people to join the service. To join one must pass a strict physical exam and background check, and must also be verified to be in good mental health (no comments from me on that one right now).

So, military service, especially, say, in a sandy hot country where everyone is shooting at you all of the time might be a tad stressful, eh? But never fear, the government is looking out for these fine soldiers.

Now check this out, from the Colorado Springs Independent:

The Independent also found soldiers were discharged at a rate three times higher than before start of the Iraq war for "personality disorder," which experts consider a rare condition. A soldier diagnosed with a personality disorder receives no medical retirement benefits from the military.

Now, a personality disorder is something that a person is supposedly born with. Hmm, presumably the military wouldn't be taking in people with personality disorders, right (no laughter here)? Personality disorders are not compensable under the veterans benefits system though, so they are a cheaper out.

On the other hand, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is compensable, and it results from things like being exposed to stress, like people trying to kill you.

Now this is something I have a bit of experience with, having been diagnosed by the military (unbeknownst to me) with something called "Transient Situational Personality Disorder." That diagnosis was used to prevent me from receiving veterans benefits. It's a ficticious diagnosis: one which has never existed, according to the American Psychiatric Association, and it's amusing to consider, since a personality disorder cannot by definition be transient, or situational.

What's not so funny is that the government is still doing this to military personnel today. Isn't it bad enough that that soldiers are being shot at by other soldiers in a place they don't belong? Does our own government have to shoot at them too?

let's try this again

2006-08-15T11:22:00.000-04:00

Wow, I sure am off to a great start, being technologically challenged, and all . . .

Hi there. I'm supposed to be the co-something or other of this blog. But I'm having a rather low-tech kind of week. The usual not remembering how to log in, passwords, hell, I'm lucky I learned to type when I was really young and still remember how.

In terms of being a smart ass, I definitely qualify. I disagree with Anthony on sex with supermodels and athletes though. I say, why bother? At our age(s) it would hurt too much, I'm sure. Besides they get enough sex already. If they don't, it's their own damn fault. I say, have sex with someone who's disabled, and be nice about it. Oh, did I mention that I'm disabled? More on that later. It's nothing too unsightly, so no avoidance yet please.

introducing jaded

2006-08-14T11:03:00.000-04:00

It has often been said that what the world needs now--even more than love, sweet love--is another blog run by a pair of cynical smartasses.

Thus jaded was born.

If all goes according to plan--and why shouldn't it?--this blog will enlighten, amuse, entertain, and somehow make its creators fabulously wealthy. Food will taste better, the air will be sweet and clean, and the world will be saved from the brink of nuclear destruction. We have to fine-tune the details a little, but that's our plan. And just wait until you hear about our "Guilt-Free Sex With Athletes and Supermodels" offer!

Of course, we won't be able to do any of this without your help. Keep reading, and more will be revealed as we go along.

(Note: jaded is not affiliated with, nor are its founders fond of, the Aerosmith song of the same name. It is well known that Aerosmith hasn't made a truly great album since Rocks, and that came out thirty fucking years ago.)